Ask our Coach: Going Over My Boss’ Head

Do you have a question for Ask our Coach? Contact us.

Q. How do you suggest partnering/dealing with executives (possibly including your boss) whom you know do not have the right ideas (answers), but their bosses do? At what point (and how) do you suggest escalating, particularly when they are outspoken about not going above them?

A. First of all, I want to acknowledge the frustration you must be going through, even if most of it is self-inflicted. What I am picking up here is that you are “attempting” to make this situation work, but that there is not really a full-blown commitment. I like to tell it straight and think that just might be the answer here: It’s up to you to create the type of workplace in which you do your best work.

How to do that? There are several considerations. Start by having a conversation with the executive to which you are referring and tell him or her the truth. Pick a neutral place to communicate your message powerfully, and always come from a place of speaking about yourself, not about the other person. Tell how you feel about the situation—get it out in the open. They likely also feel tension in the relationship, and this, hopefully, will create a place where you can come to some sort of compromise. Realize that if you want a better work environment, you will need to do some work. I always tell myself, if something is not working 100% the way I want, what do I NEED TO DO TO CHANGE IT and make it work? Think about that. What is it going to take from you to make a difference? What is this negativity doing to your personal brand, your confidence, and your overall ability to lead powerfully?

Bottom line: If you are not getting your needs met, if you are not succeeding in your job because of true incompetence on the part of other executives (particularly a boss or direct reporting relationship), if you truly cannot effect any changes—then you must seek counsel or create an exit strategy. Hopefully, the head of HR is your friend and/or you have a senior leader in the company with whom you can confide. Do whatever it takes to create success, for you, the company and, ultimately, your direct reporting relationship. Remember, you work for the company and are responsible for the company’s best interest, not any individual executive.

If you do not handle this here and create a positive outcome, whatever that is, it will come back again in the next position and career move.

Here are some additional questions for you to consider:

• Are you aligned with the values of your company?
• Is this position the right fit for you?
• Are you ready to move on and this is just one more thing that is bugging you?
• Have you past your “by when” date?
• Do you, for the most part, enjoy the culture of the organization?
• Is how “they” are leading not aligned with the values of the company?
• How long will you suffer and complain about what is not working?
• How much of your time is spent on thinking about how you are smarter than they are or how incompetent they are?
• Are you on target to meet or exceed your goals for the year?

Now reflect on your answers.

What do you think you would do if you could do something to make this different? What outcome do you clearly desire here? What is it you truly want? Is it to make “them” wrong and you right, or is it to work together more powerfully as a team of leader? Remember: “Be the change you wish to see,” as Gandhi said. It starts at the top.